This entry works as a double category, really: a new beer highlighted and ScapeGoat Ink's Reasons to Drink.

WEEK 13:

LandShark Lager

My first taste of Jimmy Buffet's LandShark Lager was from a bottle served sans label in attempt to acquire from me an unbiased review of the new brew in my hand. My host was well aware of my affinity for Jimmy Buffett's music and wanted an honest, uncompromised evaluation.

I won't say I hated it at first sip, though I would learn to very soon. I was wholly unimpressed, however, and immediately attempted to discern my host's reasons for forced anonymity. It had the flavor of an amateur home brew, so I checked the bottom of the clear bottle for sediment to get a better handle on exactly why this beer was so unimpressive. Not that sediment is a bad thing—it's an element common in very fine bottles of micro brew. However, sediment in a bad, unlabeled bottle is math I can't ignore and the call sign of the unskilled beer maker. Only when I looked closer at the bottle and identified an image of a raised shark fin molded into the glass did I make the connection. Fins. Shark. Land shark. Jimmy Buffett. All at once, I very much hated this beer. I could no longer evaluate its flavor. It is priced as a premium lager, but with a muddy flavor on par with a can of Bud Light left in the sun.

Among rebel icons who have long since gone commercial, Jimmy Buffett is fast approaching the "Krusty the Klown" status of sell-outs. Don't get me wrong—I love listening to Jimmy Buffett more than any other musician when relaxing with a frosty brew, at any time of year. His music represents a place, a state of mind, more than any artistic contribution of lyric or melody that will transcend time. However, the creators of the Church of Buffett, Orthodox, are definitely onto something—even to hardcore fans it's hard to ignore that Buffett has been headed south for some time now.

So the guy put his name on a bad beer. So what? This is not something I would typically take issue with, were it not for the fact that Jimmy continues to put his bad name on bad products while continuing to make music that lambasts rich, old, white men and their greed as the source of the world's ills. That's just a bit too duplicitous for my taste. When you put your name on a crappy restaurant chain, an ever-expanding line of marginal alcohols, and you charge $130 for a concert set comprised mostly of cover songs, you can no longer point finders at rich, old white men on the take without sounding more than a little disingenuous. I'm sorry, Jimmy, but you are no longer a rebellious 30-something calling out "the man" for is misdeeds against humanity. You own a seaplane now. You ARE the man. Be whoever you want to be, but it's time to own up. You are a capitalist (God bless you) and royalty in the court of exploitation who refuses to acknowledge his new status. And your beer sucks.

So now I find myself feeling morose, saddened by my champion of sunny-day soundtracks. That's a reason to drink if ever I had one. But get me another beer. I can't drink this Land Shark Lager anymore.

***
Looking for funny T-shirts? Type www.scapegoatink.com into your web browser or simply click the banner below.