We're truly sorry for exiting the blogosphere so abruptly and for staying away for so long. We owe our readers an explanation for our almost yearlong hiatus, but first we want you all to know that we're back for good and we're going to do our best to get this blog flowing with all things booze related as soon as possible, but first, an explanation for our absence:

Nick and I were in kind of a bind. We got in to a bit of trouble and we were forced to use our old man's beer money to set some things straight and, to make matters worse, we drank the last of his beer. Now, we've actually seen our father strangle a squirrel with his bare hands because he thought it stole his wallet. It was us, but that's beside the point. If he found out that we drank the last of his beer AND spent the cash he gave us for more, we'd be screwed.

Being broke and jobless didn't help our situation, so we devised a plan. We grabbed a beer bottle, shoved a live mouse in it, and went to the liquor store with our not-so empty bottle to demand a free case since we'd "found" a mouse in ours. Foolproof, right? Well, someone must have tipped off the owner because he didn't buy it. Although, he gave us an even better idea, he suggested we take it up with those at fault—Elsinore Brewery. So we took our mouse-in-a-bottle trick to the brewery. We had to bribe the well-fed receptionist at the front desk with a doughnut, mind you, it was a jelly, for the opportunity to speak with the owner. Guess who got jobs at the brewery on the bottling line inspecting the bottles for mice? We did, that's who.

Things were finally starting to look up for us. We had jobs at a brewery where we snagged beers off the line and, most importantly, we were able to pay our dad back with not one case of beer, but an entire van full of Elsinore brews. He was finally happy with us and maybe even a little proud. Plus, we got to meet my idol, hockey great, Jean "Rosie" LeRose whose career was cut short when he had a nervous breakdown, which landed him in the loony bin. I have his hockey card at my parent's house, it's gotta be worth at least a gazillion dollars by now.

Unfortunately, our new job wasn't all booze and glamour; we did stumble upon a secret plot devised by brewmeister Smith who was attempting to use a mind-control drug that he secretly placed in Elsinore beer. He used the crazies from the local loony bin to test the effects, which resulted in a battle royale, Star Wars-style hockey game where the crazies on ice were actually being controlled by a synthesizer played over the speakers. It. Was. AWESOME! Wait a minute, now that I'm reading it a second time that's actually pretty messed up. However, at least they weren't testing the mind-control drug on animals, right?

All right, we kind of feel like dicks now, but that excuse is actually the plot of the Canadian blockbuster hit, Strange Brew. We didn't do any of the things stated above, although the part about our dad strangling a squirrel is entirely true. Since we're being honest, we don't have an excuse for our absence other than we were drinking A LOT. The bad news is it took us away from our duties at this blog, but the good news is it gave us so much more content to write about. So, get ready for the new and improved ScapeGoat Ink Dipso Facto blog. Visit us frequently, and if you're too lazy (trust us, we understand) you can always subscribe to our blog on the far left to have new entries delivered to you directly, via email. And, if you haven't seen Strange Brew, you're doing yourself a disservice. It's a great movie about two Canadian brothers, a dog (presumably Canadian as well), and a shit ton of beer. What more could you want?



Here's to a better blog, and here's to Canada's greatest hosers, Bob and Doug McKenzie. Seriously, you should totally check out the movie, eh.

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