My Rebuttal to "10 Hangover Remedies: What Works?" Article
I found an article titled, "10 Hangover Remedies: What Works?" on the Xfinity news feed, which was re-posted from Health.com. Of course, a title like that would pique any alcoholic's interest, so I decided to see what helpful hints I could take away from this article so the next time I drink I don't feel like Oscar the Grouch had his way with me. The best way to properly share this article with my readers is by copying it in its entirety and pasting it below. I added a few of my own comments about the article, which I put in red. Enjoy!
10 Hangover Remedies: What Works?
The only way to avoid a pounding head and queasiness the morning after is to drink in moderation, or to stay away from alcohol entirely. But with all sorts of seasonal celebrations going on, it's easy to overindulge
Alternating your drinks with water or another nonalcoholic beverage can help you slow down and stay hydrated. If you still wind up with a hangover, you may be inclined to try one of the many supposedly tried-and-true remedies.
Here's my first issue. Why start an article that is obviously geared toward people who enjoy drinking by telling them they can avoid a hangover by not drinking. I'm no Columbo (did I just date this post?), but I'm pretty sure anyone who has ever had a hangover understands what caused it, yet that didn't stop them from drinking again. Besides, no one gets a hangover from anything else, except perhaps White Castle and roofies.
However, traditional hangover remedies are often ineffective, and some of them may actually make you feel worse.
This sentence should have been my key to stop reading. It's as if the author, whose name couldn't be found anywhere near the article, gave up before the first remedy was unveiled.
Hair of the Dog
Even though the thought of a Bloody Mary may appeal to you, a Virgin Mary is a much better choice the morning after. "The worst thing to do is to have another drink," says Charles Cutler, MD, an internist in Norristown, Pa., and the chair of the American College of Physicians' board of governors.
The alcohol may temporarily help your symptoms but could hurt in the long run. Hangovers make you feel horrible because alcohol is toxic, Dr. Cutler explains, and you need to give your body a chance to recover. That morning drink could lead to an even worse hangover the following day.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, so you're telling me that eating dog hair the next morning is NOT going to cure a hangover?! Plus, the substance that caused my hangover is NOT the cure either? What a-hole wrote this garbage? First of all, dehydration and withdrawal are the main causes of hangovers. So, yes, in theory a drink the next morning will temper the pain, but it won't cure it. I typically have a Bloody Mary after a night of drinking and it certainly helps. Now, if I had a Bloody Mary and a 12-pack of Schlitz, my guess is I'll be hurting a little more the next day. Wait, but then couldn't I just cure that hangover with two Bloody Mary's and 24 cans of PBR the morning after that?
Greasy Breakfast
There's no scientific evidence that a heaping helping of bacon and eggs will ease hangover anguish, even though many people swear by it. "Greasy food is just going to give you heartburn," says Dr. Cutler, who recommends sticking with easy-to-digest foods such as toast or cereal. "You want to get calories right back into your system."
Eat light and stay hydrated, agrees John Brick, PhD, an alcohol research scientist and author of The Doctor's Hangover Handbook. "No specific foods are recommended, although honey sandwiches are helpful to some people," Brick says.
If I go out drinking with you and I find out the next day that you're eating a honey sandwich, you're getting an automatic dick punch. I don't think anyone eats a burrito the size of their head because they honestly think it'll cure their hangover. They eat that Mexican behemoth because they feel like shit and sometimes all that helps is a shitty burrito. Alcohol research scientist? You should be ashamed of yourself. I didn't realize we were just making up job titles. If that's the case, then I'm Master Doctor of Professional Booby Touching.
Alka-Seltzer
Alka-Seltzer turned 80 in 2011, and the famous fizzy medicine has probably been used to treat hangovers for nearly that long. In 2001, the company even introduced a Morning Relief formulation specifically for hangovers.
All Alka-Seltzer varieties contain sodium bicarbonate (also known as baking soda), which will help settle a queasy belly by neutralizing stomach acid. Still, other ingredients, notably aspirin and citric acid, may irritate your stomach after a night of heavy drinking.
So you're telling me the old jingle, "Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is" is a lie? Bullshit. Since when do commercial jingles ever lie to us? Plus, I recently tried this after a night of hanging out with alcoholic girlfriend's little brother, Abracadaniel (He's not a practicing magician, yet, but he does have to shop at the oversize-armhole store), and it definitely helped temper the pain. So, suck on that alcohol research scientists.
Hangover Pills
There are lots of hangover "cures" in a bottle out there—such as Chaser, PreToxx, and RU 21—but very little evidence to back up claims. "Hangover pills that have been studied are not effective, or only help against a few complaints…but not all," says Joris C. Verster, PhD, an assistant professor of psychopharmacology at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, who studies hangovers.
A 2005 review article in the journal BMJ identified eight peer-reviewed, placebo-controlled studies of hangover remedies, and concluded that "no compelling evidence exists" to support their use.
Dr. Cutler suggests taking a multivitamin instead to restore the nutrients your body may have lost during a binge.
Well, this is the first intelligent thing this article has suggested.
Coffee
If you're a regular coffee drinker, skipping java when you're hungover may—or may not—be a good idea, Brick says. You may wind up layering a pounding caffeine-withdrawal headache on top of your hangover woes when you miss your regular morning fix.
That said, caffeine narrows your blood vessels and boosts blood pressure. "Both of these may make the hangover worse," Brick says. "If you drink coffee regularly, you might try a very small amount in the morning. Wait 30 to 60 minutes and see how you feel."
What kind of advice is this? Hey, if you're a heroine user go ahead and have a just little this morning, we don't want you to get the shakes AND be hungover because that would really suck. However, if you're not a heroine addict, try drinking some water instead.
Water and Sports Drinks
Conventional wisdom holds that the dehydration caused by heavy drinking is what makes you feel so sick the next day. In fact, experts actually know very little about what causes a hangover. Potential culprits include disrupted biological rhythms or even alcohol withdrawal, and research suggests that congeners—toxic substances found in alcohol, especially dark liquors such as whiskey—may also play a role.
Nevertheless, replacing the fluid you've lost will likely help you feel a little less miserable. "Juice, water, Gatorade, all those things—they're going to make you feel better," says Dr. Cutler.
OK, it was obvious within the first few sentences of this article that the author wasn't quite sure what a hangover is, but to blatantly write that the experts you're using for this article actually know very little about the subject is kind of like calling yourself an alcohol research scientist. It's just dumb.
Take Pain Relievers
For women who have PMS-related pain such as cramping, breast tenderness, backaches, or headaches, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory pain relievers (NSAIDs) can provide some relief.
These include ibuprofen (Advil and similar drugs) and naproxen (Aleve).
Or you can try over-the-counter remedies specifically aimed at PMS like Pamprin and Midol. These often combine some sort of pain reliever with caffeine.
Hmm, that's very helpful...if you're a woman with PMS. What the hell does that have anything to do with hangovers or even hangover cures? Taking a pain reliever helps. Writing about a woman with tender breasts does not. Sure, it's arousing (just kidding, mom), but what does that have to do with the topic of this article. Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the article just state that only a heroine addict should be drinking coffee? Shit, get your facts straight.
Exercise
A gentle workout could help you feel better, if you can manage it (and that's a big if).
"Remember: If you've been drinking heavily, you could be a little dehydrated, you could be metabolically behind on your nutrition, and exercise is going to require hydration and nutrition," Dr. Cutler says.
"Exercise is always the right thing to do, but I don't think [on] the morning you wake up with a hangover, exercise is what you need." What you really need is rest, he adds.
Listen, if you can exercise after a night of heavy drinking, you're either a functioning alcoholic on steroids, or you didn't drink enough the night before.
Sauna
Think you can "sweat out" the alcohol and other toxins you may have consumed during a night of partying? Think again. A sauna can cause potentially dangerous blood vessel and blood flow changes in your body. "The last thing you need is to disrupt the normal blood-flow patterns by extreme heat," Dr. Cutler says.
If you're already somewhat dehydrated, excessive sweating can be harmful, and even deadly. Researchers from the Finnish State Alcohol Company's Research Laboratories, in Helsinki, warn that sauna bathing while hung over carries "real health risks," including dangerous drops in blood pressure and abnormal heart rhythms.
This article should have been titled, "10 Dumb Things to Do When You're Hungover."
Sleep
People sleep poorly after a night of drinking. Alcohol will put you to sleep quickly, but when it begins to wear off several hours later, the withdrawal your body feels can disrupt sleep and jolt you awake. Although sleep deprivation won't by itself cause a hangover, it definitely can make the symptoms feel worse.
If you have the luxury of "sleeping it off" the next day, do so. Your foggy brain and achy body will thank you. "The body's got an amazing capacity to heal on its own," says Dr. Cutler.
In the end, the only surefire treatment for a hangover is time.
Thanks for tricking me into reading this piece of garbage. Through this article I found out that anyone can be a scientist, women have tender boobies after drinking heavily, heroine is OK, only if you're already a heroine addict, burritos don't cure health problems, but they DO taste delicious, and Bloody Mary's with alcohol in them are considered sluts compared to their goody, goody, two shoes cousin, virgin Bloody Mary.
10 Hangover Remedies: What Works?
The only way to avoid a pounding head and queasiness the morning after is to drink in moderation, or to stay away from alcohol entirely. But with all sorts of seasonal celebrations going on, it's easy to overindulge
Alternating your drinks with water or another nonalcoholic beverage can help you slow down and stay hydrated. If you still wind up with a hangover, you may be inclined to try one of the many supposedly tried-and-true remedies.
Here's my first issue. Why start an article that is obviously geared toward people who enjoy drinking by telling them they can avoid a hangover by not drinking. I'm no Columbo (did I just date this post?), but I'm pretty sure anyone who has ever had a hangover understands what caused it, yet that didn't stop them from drinking again. Besides, no one gets a hangover from anything else, except perhaps White Castle and roofies.
However, traditional hangover remedies are often ineffective, and some of them may actually make you feel worse.
This sentence should have been my key to stop reading. It's as if the author, whose name couldn't be found anywhere near the article, gave up before the first remedy was unveiled.
Hair of the Dog
Even though the thought of a Bloody Mary may appeal to you, a Virgin Mary is a much better choice the morning after. "The worst thing to do is to have another drink," says Charles Cutler, MD, an internist in Norristown, Pa., and the chair of the American College of Physicians' board of governors.
The alcohol may temporarily help your symptoms but could hurt in the long run. Hangovers make you feel horrible because alcohol is toxic, Dr. Cutler explains, and you need to give your body a chance to recover. That morning drink could lead to an even worse hangover the following day.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, so you're telling me that eating dog hair the next morning is NOT going to cure a hangover?! Plus, the substance that caused my hangover is NOT the cure either? What a-hole wrote this garbage? First of all, dehydration and withdrawal are the main causes of hangovers. So, yes, in theory a drink the next morning will temper the pain, but it won't cure it. I typically have a Bloody Mary after a night of drinking and it certainly helps. Now, if I had a Bloody Mary and a 12-pack of Schlitz, my guess is I'll be hurting a little more the next day. Wait, but then couldn't I just cure that hangover with two Bloody Mary's and 24 cans of PBR the morning after that?
Greasy Breakfast
There's no scientific evidence that a heaping helping of bacon and eggs will ease hangover anguish, even though many people swear by it. "Greasy food is just going to give you heartburn," says Dr. Cutler, who recommends sticking with easy-to-digest foods such as toast or cereal. "You want to get calories right back into your system."
Eat light and stay hydrated, agrees John Brick, PhD, an alcohol research scientist and author of The Doctor's Hangover Handbook. "No specific foods are recommended, although honey sandwiches are helpful to some people," Brick says.
If I go out drinking with you and I find out the next day that you're eating a honey sandwich, you're getting an automatic dick punch. I don't think anyone eats a burrito the size of their head because they honestly think it'll cure their hangover. They eat that Mexican behemoth because they feel like shit and sometimes all that helps is a shitty burrito. Alcohol research scientist? You should be ashamed of yourself. I didn't realize we were just making up job titles. If that's the case, then I'm Master Doctor of Professional Booby Touching.
Alka-Seltzer
Alka-Seltzer turned 80 in 2011, and the famous fizzy medicine has probably been used to treat hangovers for nearly that long. In 2001, the company even introduced a Morning Relief formulation specifically for hangovers.
All Alka-Seltzer varieties contain sodium bicarbonate (also known as baking soda), which will help settle a queasy belly by neutralizing stomach acid. Still, other ingredients, notably aspirin and citric acid, may irritate your stomach after a night of heavy drinking.
So you're telling me the old jingle, "Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is" is a lie? Bullshit. Since when do commercial jingles ever lie to us? Plus, I recently tried this after a night of hanging out with alcoholic girlfriend's little brother, Abracadaniel (He's not a practicing magician, yet, but he does have to shop at the oversize-armhole store), and it definitely helped temper the pain. So, suck on that alcohol research scientists.
Hangover Pills
There are lots of hangover "cures" in a bottle out there—such as Chaser, PreToxx, and RU 21—but very little evidence to back up claims. "Hangover pills that have been studied are not effective, or only help against a few complaints…but not all," says Joris C. Verster, PhD, an assistant professor of psychopharmacology at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, who studies hangovers.
A 2005 review article in the journal BMJ identified eight peer-reviewed, placebo-controlled studies of hangover remedies, and concluded that "no compelling evidence exists" to support their use.
Dr. Cutler suggests taking a multivitamin instead to restore the nutrients your body may have lost during a binge.
Well, this is the first intelligent thing this article has suggested.
Coffee
If you're a regular coffee drinker, skipping java when you're hungover may—or may not—be a good idea, Brick says. You may wind up layering a pounding caffeine-withdrawal headache on top of your hangover woes when you miss your regular morning fix.
That said, caffeine narrows your blood vessels and boosts blood pressure. "Both of these may make the hangover worse," Brick says. "If you drink coffee regularly, you might try a very small amount in the morning. Wait 30 to 60 minutes and see how you feel."
What kind of advice is this? Hey, if you're a heroine user go ahead and have a just little this morning, we don't want you to get the shakes AND be hungover because that would really suck. However, if you're not a heroine addict, try drinking some water instead.
Water and Sports Drinks
Conventional wisdom holds that the dehydration caused by heavy drinking is what makes you feel so sick the next day. In fact, experts actually know very little about what causes a hangover. Potential culprits include disrupted biological rhythms or even alcohol withdrawal, and research suggests that congeners—toxic substances found in alcohol, especially dark liquors such as whiskey—may also play a role.
Nevertheless, replacing the fluid you've lost will likely help you feel a little less miserable. "Juice, water, Gatorade, all those things—they're going to make you feel better," says Dr. Cutler.
OK, it was obvious within the first few sentences of this article that the author wasn't quite sure what a hangover is, but to blatantly write that the experts you're using for this article actually know very little about the subject is kind of like calling yourself an alcohol research scientist. It's just dumb.
Take Pain Relievers
For women who have PMS-related pain such as cramping, breast tenderness, backaches, or headaches, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory pain relievers (NSAIDs) can provide some relief.
These include ibuprofen (Advil and similar drugs) and naproxen (Aleve).
Or you can try over-the-counter remedies specifically aimed at PMS like Pamprin and Midol. These often combine some sort of pain reliever with caffeine.
Hmm, that's very helpful...if you're a woman with PMS. What the hell does that have anything to do with hangovers or even hangover cures? Taking a pain reliever helps. Writing about a woman with tender breasts does not. Sure, it's arousing (just kidding, mom), but what does that have to do with the topic of this article. Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the article just state that only a heroine addict should be drinking coffee? Shit, get your facts straight.
Exercise
A gentle workout could help you feel better, if you can manage it (and that's a big if).
"Remember: If you've been drinking heavily, you could be a little dehydrated, you could be metabolically behind on your nutrition, and exercise is going to require hydration and nutrition," Dr. Cutler says.
"Exercise is always the right thing to do, but I don't think [on] the morning you wake up with a hangover, exercise is what you need." What you really need is rest, he adds.
Listen, if you can exercise after a night of heavy drinking, you're either a functioning alcoholic on steroids, or you didn't drink enough the night before.
Sauna
Think you can "sweat out" the alcohol and other toxins you may have consumed during a night of partying? Think again. A sauna can cause potentially dangerous blood vessel and blood flow changes in your body. "The last thing you need is to disrupt the normal blood-flow patterns by extreme heat," Dr. Cutler says.
If you're already somewhat dehydrated, excessive sweating can be harmful, and even deadly. Researchers from the Finnish State Alcohol Company's Research Laboratories, in Helsinki, warn that sauna bathing while hung over carries "real health risks," including dangerous drops in blood pressure and abnormal heart rhythms.
This article should have been titled, "10 Dumb Things to Do When You're Hungover."
Sleep
People sleep poorly after a night of drinking. Alcohol will put you to sleep quickly, but when it begins to wear off several hours later, the withdrawal your body feels can disrupt sleep and jolt you awake. Although sleep deprivation won't by itself cause a hangover, it definitely can make the symptoms feel worse.
If you have the luxury of "sleeping it off" the next day, do so. Your foggy brain and achy body will thank you. "The body's got an amazing capacity to heal on its own," says Dr. Cutler.
In the end, the only surefire treatment for a hangover is time.
Thanks for tricking me into reading this piece of garbage. Through this article I found out that anyone can be a scientist, women have tender boobies after drinking heavily, heroine is OK, only if you're already a heroine addict, burritos don't cure health problems, but they DO taste delicious, and Bloody Mary's with alcohol in them are considered sluts compared to their goody, goody, two shoes cousin, virgin Bloody Mary.
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Posted by ScapeGoat Ink at 1/3/2012 6:52 AM 
Categories: Booze News, ScapeGoat Rants, Booze Knowledge
Tags: Xfinity Health.com hangover remedies Oscar the Grouch Columbo hair of the dog Bloody Mary Alka-Seltzer hangover pills sports drinks coffee pain relievers exercise sauna sleep
Categories: Booze News, ScapeGoat Rants, Booze Knowledge
Tags: Xfinity Health.com hangover remedies Oscar the Grouch Columbo hair of the dog Bloody Mary Alka-Seltzer hangover pills sports drinks coffee pain relievers exercise sauna sleep
Just because I'm an amateur scientist and I'd like to kill some time at work:
Milk Thistle and Fish Oil (Omega-3). They are both anti-inflammatory supplements that don't make your liver work hard (like pain relievers and alcohol). Actually, Milk Thistle is used (mostly I think)for liver repair. Obviously I can't be sure how useful these things are if you ONLY take them when you're hungover, I'm only an amateur scientist, as stated.
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Well, Peggy, from one scientist to another (I'm a drinking scientist), I approve this message. Milk Thistle and Fish Oil have just been added to my morning-after arsenal. Suck on that, hangovers.
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The only expert I trust is my bartender Giuseppe. And really besides making the perfect martini, his knowledge is suspect at best.
Gatorade and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich works every time.
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"Sam," Gatorade and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich sound like a winning combo. I'm glad to hear you're not the honey sandwich type, otherwise Giuseppe and I would be giving you an atomic dick punch right to the wang stick.
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Revive Vitamin Water.... one oversized bottle works best...speaking of oversized where in the F*** is the oversized arm hole store? I stuck with stupid normal people arm hole shirts
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Abracadaniel, my magical friend, I have yet to try the Vitamin water that you mentioned, but I'll add it to my "better things to try than eating a honey sandwich" list. Clearly I'm the wrong person to ask about the oversize-armhole store, as you can tell by my sickly arm sticks I barely even need regular-size armholes. Good luck with your search, behemoth arms!
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