Heated Dog Bowl: Good Invention or Bad?
Since January finally decided to start acting like a winter month instead of prancing around disguised as a spring month, alcoholic girlfriend and I had to head to Menard's to pick up some winter-related tools. We had plans to run in, grab what we needed, and then run right back out so we could be productive and do some more errands on the never-ending list. That plan was a failure before it even began. AG learned a very valuable lesson today about me and hardware stores. I'm an overgrown child and I must look and touch EVERYTHING.
I'm not handy by any means, nor do I have any misconceptions that I am. I can fix very basic things, like changing a light bulb, but other than that I'm accident prone, clumsy, and I generally damage things far more than I fix them. However, when it comes to hardware stores, there is something deeply ingrained in my genetic makeup that makes me want to spend all day looking at power tools and other manly stuff that I have no intention of ever using. Let me be clear, I'm not some creepy weirdo who hangs out at hardware stores on a daily basis "touching" stuff. When I need something specific, I must pick up, touch, assess, smell, and sometimes even taste (note to self: steel wool tastes itchy) anything that I can get my hands on. It's a problem.
AG had plans of going to other stores after Menard's, which I thought was adorable because there is no way in hell I was going anywhere without riding on a riding lawnmower (Its name was taunting me. How could I NOT try to ride it in the store?). Here's my hardware store plan of attack: go down every aisle looking for stuff I don't know I need...yet. Well, needless to say, our trip turned into a long one and our cart was overflowing with amazing finds that I convinced AG that we desperately needed (She'll appreciate the oversize beanbag chair and the 40-foot ladder someday). It was expensive and it was too late to run our other errands. Shocking, I know. While I was in the pet aisle (we do not have a pet) I found something strange that caught my eye. It was a heated dog food bowl.
After I saw this, I had so many questions whirling around in my head, which I unfortunately unleashed on AG in the car ride home: Why does a dog need a heated bowl? Isn't having a food bowl with a plug, presumably next to a water bowl, I don't know, kind of dangerous? I was taught at a young age that putting something with a plug in water is a bad idea, so wouldn't putting water into something that plugs in still apply? I'm assuming this is for outdoor use, unless this is geared toward batshit crazy people who think their dog deserves a warm meal, or hot water. If it's for cold weather so that the animals food/water doesn't freeze, don't you think it might be too cold for their dog too? Since when do snow and plugs go well together? Can we stop and get ice cream? I understand that some owners don't let their dogs inside their homes, but even that's a little weird, right? Are you sure we can't stop for a snow cone or something? It seems kind of pointless to have a companion that's not allowed in your house, you know? It'd be like me having my grandma come stay with us, but not allowing her in the house because I don't want her to make a mess. Imagine that conversation, "Hey, Grandma, I love you, but you can't come inside, so stop scratching on the door please. Listen, if you're not housebroken at 93, then it's not gonna happen. Whoa, don't give me that look. Here, want a piece of ribbon candy? I know how much you love ribbon candy. Good girl, now go lay down."
It was after about 10 minutes of random questions tumbling forth from my mouth that I realized AG was no longer listening, if she'd been listening at all, so I finally stopped. I was hoping the sudden silence would encourage her to stop for ice cream, but it apparently didn't play out the way I had hope. Oh well, maybe tomorrow we can get some after the hardware store. Hmm, what can I break tonight?
I'm not handy by any means, nor do I have any misconceptions that I am. I can fix very basic things, like changing a light bulb, but other than that I'm accident prone, clumsy, and I generally damage things far more than I fix them. However, when it comes to hardware stores, there is something deeply ingrained in my genetic makeup that makes me want to spend all day looking at power tools and other manly stuff that I have no intention of ever using. Let me be clear, I'm not some creepy weirdo who hangs out at hardware stores on a daily basis "touching" stuff. When I need something specific, I must pick up, touch, assess, smell, and sometimes even taste (note to self: steel wool tastes itchy) anything that I can get my hands on. It's a problem.
AG had plans of going to other stores after Menard's, which I thought was adorable because there is no way in hell I was going anywhere without riding on a riding lawnmower (Its name was taunting me. How could I NOT try to ride it in the store?). Here's my hardware store plan of attack: go down every aisle looking for stuff I don't know I need...yet. Well, needless to say, our trip turned into a long one and our cart was overflowing with amazing finds that I convinced AG that we desperately needed (She'll appreciate the oversize beanbag chair and the 40-foot ladder someday). It was expensive and it was too late to run our other errands. Shocking, I know. While I was in the pet aisle (we do not have a pet) I found something strange that caught my eye. It was a heated dog food bowl.
After I saw this, I had so many questions whirling around in my head, which I unfortunately unleashed on AG in the car ride home: Why does a dog need a heated bowl? Isn't having a food bowl with a plug, presumably next to a water bowl, I don't know, kind of dangerous? I was taught at a young age that putting something with a plug in water is a bad idea, so wouldn't putting water into something that plugs in still apply? I'm assuming this is for outdoor use, unless this is geared toward batshit crazy people who think their dog deserves a warm meal, or hot water. If it's for cold weather so that the animals food/water doesn't freeze, don't you think it might be too cold for their dog too? Since when do snow and plugs go well together? Can we stop and get ice cream? I understand that some owners don't let their dogs inside their homes, but even that's a little weird, right? Are you sure we can't stop for a snow cone or something? It seems kind of pointless to have a companion that's not allowed in your house, you know? It'd be like me having my grandma come stay with us, but not allowing her in the house because I don't want her to make a mess. Imagine that conversation, "Hey, Grandma, I love you, but you can't come inside, so stop scratching on the door please. Listen, if you're not housebroken at 93, then it's not gonna happen. Whoa, don't give me that look. Here, want a piece of ribbon candy? I know how much you love ribbon candy. Good girl, now go lay down."
It was after about 10 minutes of random questions tumbling forth from my mouth that I realized AG was no longer listening, if she'd been listening at all, so I finally stopped. I was hoping the sudden silence would encourage her to stop for ice cream, but it apparently didn't play out the way I had hope. Oh well, maybe tomorrow we can get some after the hardware store. Hmm, what can I break tonight?
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Posted by ScapeGoat Ink at 1/23/2012 6:38 PM 
Categories: Off the Drunken Path
Tags: Menards winter weather Heated Pet Bowl by Allied Precision hardware store ice cream
Categories: Off the Drunken Path
Tags: Menards winter weather Heated Pet Bowl by Allied Precision hardware store ice cream
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