Dipso Facto ScapeGoat Ink: I Heart Booze, Pizza, and Bryan Adams (Don't Judge Me)

Dipso Facto Scapegoat Ink

I Heart Booze, Pizza, and Bryan Adams (Don't Judge Me)

Here are three things you should know about me before you continue reading this post. 1. I love Bryan Adams (hate on haters, his voice is like an angel with emphysema and I don't care who knows it). 2. I love booze more than Bryan Adams. 3. I love pizza as much, if not a smidgeon more than booze (it's really too close to call).

I was checking my email when I received a notification from Twitter (my handle is @ScapeGoatInk, if you want to join the 80 other really cool people following me right now) that I had two new followers. The first follower was a throw away, which means they're presumably some fat foreign man who posts a picture of a whorish looking woman and uses a handle like, MzP3, which translates to Mz. Pretty Pink Pu...well, you get it, right? They try to get people to follow them so they can either hack your account, or sell you pornographic content. Well, kind sir, I have nothing but debt for you to steal and I'm not interested in seeing gay porn today. The second follow I received was @PizzaPersona. What?! Twitter, how did you know I had an unhealthy obsession with pizza? Did Bryan Adams tell you? Oh Bryan! This is how they describe themselves on Twitter: "New fast casual concept in Chicago! Completely customizable, personal pizzas and salads in minutes. Anything but 'just another pizza place.'" I was intrigued, so I started a full-on investigation, that is to say I visited their website.

According to Pizza Persona's website, "[We're] a fast-casual concept offering personal pizzas, salads, and calzones. Pizza Persona features a choose-your-own-ingredients ordering line in which customers pick their dough, sauce, cheese, and toppings and watch their food get prepared before their eyes. Pizzas and calzones go directly into the oven and are in our customers' hands within four minutes!" Now, personalizing pizza is nothing new. You can order any toppings you want on any size pizza at most pizza places, but what's unique about this joint is that you can choose your dough (three different options), your sauce (seven options), and your toppings, which range from traditional to outside the box. So basically they've taken Subway's "eat fresh" concept and pizzafied it. Suck on that Jared. By the way, Pizza Persona, if you're looking for a slightly chubby man with an unrivaled passion for pizza to be your spokesperson, call me.

Currently you can't place custom orders online, but that feature is coming soon. Until then, you'll have to do it the old fashion way by calling (773) 327-8500; or you can visit them at 614 W. Diversey Pkwy, Chicago, IL 60614. Their hours of operation are Sunday through Wednesday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. and Thursday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. If you stop in, tell 'em ScapeGoat Ink sent you. They have no idea who we are and it won't get you any freebies, specials, or discounts, but you'll feel like a rock star name dropping. Plus, when I eventually visit this fine establishment to do my official pizza review, I'll be able to tell them that I AM ScapeGoat Ink and maybe I'll get a free pizza, or a high five or something. If any of you have been to this establishment, please let me know what you thought.